Day 326, This evening I had my first farewell from Mseleni. Perhaps it is an odd thing to have a first farewell but I anticipate there will be several more before I actually leave. It has made me realise how the days are winding down and everything I do is potentially the last chance I will get to do it.
Last week was the last public holiday I would have in South Africa, and there has been an inordinate amount of these; Women’s Day, Workers Day, Human Rights Day, Freedom Day and last week’s Youth Day are in addition to the customary Easter/New Year’s and Christmas. This impromptu mid week break led to another last, a final beach day. The early darkness and cooler temperatures have meant fewer trips to the sea of late, and it was a welcome sunny day for a refreshing dip in the warm ocean one more time.
For others around me it is just another clinic or on call or day at the beach, but for me I’ve taken to savouring each event with as much gusto as when I first arrived. I have seen others who have left do the same and I’ve looked on thinking I would be more nonchalant, but alas I am not so different. It is not that I need to make everything special, nor is it that I am regretting leaving it all behind. It is more that this place has now become a part of me and I want to ensure it remains engrained in my mind.
I have moved many times in my life and I have never been completely at ease with it. Yet this time it feels different. I don’t think I will truly understand why for some time yet, but it is probably testament to my time here that I leave with a sense of trepidation. But I came here under the premise that anything worth doing must be scary and I leave with that in mind.
I will miss the crazy adventures, I will miss the improbability of medicine here, I will miss my friends, and I will miss waking up with the sun in my face. But for all the excitement of the final experiences what I will miss most is the also the reason that I must move on; the need to challenge myself.
Saying goodbye shouldn’t be a happy thing, and it is only easy when nothing has mattered. That’s why I am looking forward to multiple miserable farewells before I finally leave.
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